Korok Seeds Officially More Addictive Than Crack

A conclusive study by the World Health Organization has found that Korok seeds from The Legend Of Zelda: Breath Of The Wild are more addictive than Crack Cocaine.

Initially released when the Nintendo Switch launched in March 2017, Breath Of The Wild (BOTW) has currently sold well over 17 million copies worldwide. There's a multitude of reasons behind the game's success, but one factor that cannot be denied is the addictive tendencies behind one type of collectible — The Korok Seed.

Korok seeds are an abundant in-game item which are hidden in suspect areas of Hyrule and identified with oddities within video game logic. Players have become engrossed with collecting all 900, thanks to the immense gratification the Korok seed provides by flexing their gaming intuition.

Unfortunately studies from the World Health Organization have proven something sinister is behind the Korok seed, revealing that most BOTW players have succumbed to substance addiction because of them.

"When a player discovers a Korok seed, it creates a large chemical reaction in the brain greater than a hit of crack cocaine, causing an unparalleled addictive dopamine rush. Our 3 years of research on Korok seeds was conducted on over 1 million players, with addiction ascertained to 99% of patients." Said Sally Slutter, Chief Scientist of WHO's BOTW study.

A beta screenshot of the game has surfaced revealing a more accurate caption.

A Zoom conversation from a patient of the study corroborates Slutter's claim.

"I've collected all 900 Korok Seeds over 100 times since the game launched. I even tolerated the version on the Fischer Price Wii U game-pad to satiate my cravings. I wish Nintendo would release the fucking sequel already so I can collect some fresh seeds. God I need a hit of some new 'seed'. Gee new seeds would be nice HEY. You hear that Nintendo!!!!! You got any new Korok seeds???? FUCK!!!!"  The patient then persisted to convulse aggressively on the floor after their comment.

Curious to see if the house of Link knew the destructive reason behind the latest game's popularity, we contacted Nintendo directly, who declined to comment.

We then proceeded to bully the newest and youngest member at Nintendo Japan's EPD (Entertainment, Planning & Development) with the threat legal action if they didn't cooperate with our demands. The employee wished to remain anonymous.

"Please understand, Nintendo knows Korok seeds are addictive, but they'll never be removed as they make a fuck-ton of money out of their vulnerable fan-base. People need to realise that Nintendo is just like Disney — They're evil capitalistic pigs who constantly hide behind their fake morals! Every employee lives under the fear that they'll be unceremoniously murdered by President Furukawa's thugs if this revelation ever leaks. You have to PROMISE me not to reveal my name!" Stated Okamura Minori.

Nintendo President Shuntaro Furukawa has links to the Yakuza through his PS4.

As one of the 17 million+ players of Breath Of The Wild, I can confirm that the temptation to collect Korok seeds does indeed re-occur daily. Thankfully I have a crippling Meth Amphetamine addiction that takes precedent so I don't have to really worry about it.