Nintendo has sensationally announced that a new evolution of a fan favourite will be included in the latest Pokemon titles hitting the Nintendo Switch this year.
Mewthree — a direct successor of the incredibly popular Mew and Mewtwo species, has been a number one fan fantasy since they were found in the original Pokemon Red & Blue (or Green. Please sit down Mr Otaku) for the Gameboy. Mewthree's inclusion in the upcoming Pokemon Sword/Shield was not expected, nor hinted at from Nintendo and has sent the gaming world into a frenzy.
The announcement couldn't have come at a better time for Game Freak, (creators of the Pokemon franchise) as perception of the upcoming games has been less than stellar — largely thanks to cut features such as the absence of a national Pokedex and a general lack of polish to the engine. It appears that Mewthree is swaying public opinion for the better rather quickly.
The President of the Pokemon Company has elaborated more on the announcement.
"Alright you bunch of whinging, ungrateful fucks, we heard you loud and clear. You're not happy that Pokemon Sword & Shield lacks the National Pokedex which includes over 900 Pokemon from nearly 25 years of fictional animal history. We understand that you don't care if we didn't have time to include them all and would prefer that we'd slave 24/7 in crunch mode until we commit suicide and another person replaces us to get it done."
"To calm you all down and ensure we still sell 20 million copies by Christmas, we decided to include the most requested character from our fan base that we simply refused to create until we found ourselves in a situation like this. That's right — Mewthree!"
"Mewthree, (just like Mewtwo) was genetically modified in a lab. Except this time, it was a couple of perverts acting as the scientists. Mewthree's assets are largely superior to its predecessor's and is a voluptuous character with a lot of sass and talent."
"Her most powerful move is 'Triple Cream Dream' which blasts 3 shots of white, pressurized liquid out of her cannons and drowns her opponents. She can also bounce into the sky via 'Balloon Blast' which acts similarly to the 'fly' mechanic. 'Mellon Crush' will see Mewthree suffocate the opposing trainer's head between her huge titties and is extremely effective in ending the battle then and there. She's a versatile creature!"
"Oh and obviously we will eventually include the national Pokedex into the games at some point. Just expect to be purchasing multiple packs of Pokemon trickled down to you through DLC for multiple fees down the line. *laughs*"
We can't wait to purchase 3 packs of shit Pokemon like Stunfisk, Klefki and an evolution-less Magikarp for $9.99 a pop. Thanks Nintendo, you rule!
