Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson Announced as Master Chief


Microsoft and 343 Industries have shockingly revealed the identity of Halo's Master Chief to coincide with the upcoming Halo: Infinite release and future installments.

Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson was permanently announced for the role via a poorly timed press release which was jealously posted at the exact moment Bungie's Destiny 2 Forsaken Expansion became active, leaving the news largely unreported.

343 Industries CEO Bonnie Ross details the acquisition:

"After literally fucking up every single game in the Halo franchise that we've ever had our hands on, we knew that it was critical to ensure Halo: Infinite is a stellar entry. Hiring Dwayne 'John-117' Johnson for the role was imperative to achieving this and we know fans are going to love his rendition of Captain Halo."
 
No one can smell what the Rock is cookin' in space.

"Initially we were going to keep the identity of the Iron Chef a secret to players until they complete Infinite on legendary to trigger an exclusive cut-scene. However after such positive reaction to Terry Crews' inclusion to the best vapourware game of all time (Crackdown 3), we felt now was the right moment to show off the Sorcerer King and build hype early."

"All of Steve Downes' original dialogue has been replaced in the Master Chief Collection by one-liners directly ripped from Dwayne's movie and wrestling career, while Halo Infinite will heavily favour colloquialisms from his stellar role in the DOOM movie. The Rock wont even be required to visit our studio as we can rip his move-set and likeness using advanced media capturing techniques setting up a smooth development cycle. This decision is going to pay off big time! Halo is back baby!"




 
Dwayne 'John Connor - Terminator' Johnson shared Bonnie Ross's sentiment:

"I love appearing in absolutely fucking everything that's ever been made, and Halo will be no different. As long as Bill 'Billy Goat' Gates sends me that fat, juicy pay cheque, I'll do anything. I've already proven how great I am at acting in video game properties with the DOOM & Rampage movies and I plan to give the Green Robot Turtle the same courtesy in pure digital form since I'm not even required to do anything. I'm a big fan of the original Gears of War back on the Sega Saturn!"

"We're taking the Halo Universe to places it's never gone before." - 343 Industries


 
The Halo franchise has suffered waning critical opinion since the release of Halo 4 in 2012 and 343 Industries has struggled to ignite a winning formula to combat the slow declining interest in the much loved series. The 12 comments on Microsoft's Master Chief Announcement Post are overwhelmingly negative to the acquisition of The Rock's persona, but we here at Era Error think it's a masterstroke and are certain it will change the fortunes of the much maligned company.