Geoff Keighley Quits 'The Game Awards' To Become Hideo Kojima's Hype Man


After several years of refuting speculation, Geoff Keighley has quit video game media to blow Hideo Kojima's immediate future achievements out of proportion full time.


The news marks the end of an illustrious career for Keighley, which spanned over 3 decades with high profile media outlets such as Gamespot, Spike TV and GameTrailers. However the sudden nature of the announcement has thrown the upcoming 2021 'The Game Awards' — An online awards/advertisement event — into disarray, as Keighley served as both producer and host of the annual project.

Keighley stated through an un-sanctioned live broadcast through 'The Game Awards' official Twitch channel that he has no regrets over any issues his departure may cause, as his affection for Hideo Kojima shows no bounds and needs to be expressed to the public at a full time capacity.

"I promised a trademarked 'Keighley Surprise™' for the Game Awards this year, and here it is... I'm fucking quitting! I'll still be around though, hanging out in the industry while preaching prayers to our lord and saviour, the heavenly father — Hideo Kojima."

"Our Father, who art in Konami, hallowed be thy name; thy Pachinko come; thy will be done on PS5 as it is on PC. Give us this day our daily quest; and forgive our constant complaining as we forgive those who pay to win; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us away from mobile."


"*Clears Throat* Becaaaaaaaaause..."

"His flow, his show, brought us the games,
That bought Konami's Pachinko machines,
His Snake, his Ingram, His Seed, His Sam,
Look, Konami, he done came up and he wont change."


"And you should love it, way more then you hate it,
Konami, you mad? I thought that you'd be happy he made it."

"He fully focused, man, his money on his mind,
Got 5 mil' out the Sony deal and still on the grind,
Now Spence feelin' his style, Billy feelin' his flow,
Whole Microsoft scheming there, money ready to throw."


"Kotick and Activision offering office hoes,
For his next game, get to jam them with his toes.

Move over Epstein, Sony's VP just upped their deals,
We've been told that it's lucrative, 15 years and in heels..."


At this point Twitch power brokers swiftly intervened to shut down the broadcast at the request of their much valued partners Sony and Activision. Keighley was then immediately transferred to a psychiatric facility against his will where he was deemed insane and placed under a conservatorship controlled by Chinese company Tencent for some reason.


Will Geoff Keighley turn up to the Game Awards this Thursday evening deranged like Britney Spears? Or perhaps completely brainwashed like Peng Shuai as if nothing had happened? Only time will tell.