Duke Nukem Forever Remastered Unexpectedly Announced


Gearbox Software has surprisingly announced a remastered version of 2011's infamous Duke Nukem Forever for PS4, Xbox One, PC & Nintendo Switch. Although an unexpected development to most, CEO Randy Pitchford has stated that the impending re-release of Duke is an obvious decision due to the political climate modern society sees itself entangled in today...

Duke Nukem Forever (DNF) was a disaster since its conception due to the game being submitted to a weird form of virtual fetish known to the tech world as development hell. The main perpetrator? Creator and Assualt Commander, George Broussard. (aka Broussad - See video game title screen where the lardtard spelt his own name wrong) After carving a piece of history and releasing the critically acclaimed Duke Nukem 3D in 1995, George decided he wanted to swiftly release a successor by 1998. Unfortunately his affection for the Duke IP knew no bounds and he had a hard time figuring out how to express his love for it. This resulted in constant torture - or as he liked to call it "development" - to the game to the point that its code would be constantly manipulated and inevitably outdated as its competitors leapfrogged DNF technically several times over 15 years. Broussad's gross mismanagement of the project became a hilarious joke for the industry, and the situation became such an entangled mess that the fat fuck had to relinquish the Duke Nukem IP and close down the development team. He was finally made accountable for raping a much loved figure and it was left to Gearbox Software to pick up the scraps and polish off the juicy turd sandwich.



And juicy turd sandwich it was! Even after several years of development by the dodgy fucks at Gearbox Software, Duke Nukem Forever was still an outdated and glitchy mess. The graphics were fucked, the gameplay was fucked, the humour and story was fucked. Everything was fucked. I'm pretty sure even Duke was fucked somewhere in the game by a 90 year old granny and her moldy crevices! These "fucked" points do bring up a very valid question though.. Why re-release a game that was critically panned by gamers and critics alike? Randy Pitchford explains exclusively to Era Error the apparently obvious decision:
Duke Nukem Forever was a lousy & pathetic game, there's no denying that. What people forgot pretty quickly though is that it was also incredibly offensive! It was insanely sexist, crude and un-apologetically disrespectful to many facets of society. Unfortunately when it released in 2011, the western world wasn't as soft and sensitive as we find it in 2017. People accepted that humour and entertainment take different forms and appeal to a vast array of different people. As a result DNF didn't offend anyone on its release like DN3D did in 1995. We missed out on so much free advertisements and marketing from media organisations reporting a controversy which usually catapult sales of video games to the top spectrum of revenue like DOOM, Mortal Kombat, Carmaggedon or GTA did in their day and that frustrated off our evil publisher 2K and their higher board on the council.

Thankfully during an executive meeting while I was praying to the Gamer God, I thought of a brilliant way to whore out the controversy angle another time with minimal effort - Remaster Duke Nukem Forever and try to piss off any sensitive person or group I can by exploiting its offensive content all over social media to create an anger shitstorm! The game is going to go viral from all those sensitive pussies out there and I won't have to pay a cent on marketing or even development. I had one of our brilliant developers who assisted in the development of the incredible Aliens: Colonial Marines open up the glitched as fuck DNF engine and click on the 4k option in the settings. That's it! I already have the discs printing and we'll have this piece of shit out before Christmas. Just in time for all the jocky 15 year olds to eat it up because it's cool to buy something controversial despite it being fucking shit. Hail to the king baby!!!
After only three hours of posting incredibly offensive and completely insensitive tweets on Gearbox Software's official Duke Nukem Twitter, those said tweets went viral globally marking the beginning of the planned social media "meltdown":




To no-one's surprise, social justice warriors have immediately taken Randy Pitchford's bait and returned fire so the world knows how offended and hurt they are from the deliberately insensitive comments. Unfortunately for them, the official Duke Nukem account has Re-tweeted their responses and using them as free marketing:


I was going to place a photo of Randy "Aliens Colonial Marines is a good game" Pitchford's smug face in this article to illustrate the bloke running straight to the bank with all of his Duke Nukem Forever Remastered money, but a swift and simple google image search of "Randy Pitchford" will do the job for me. Look at that face. He would never do no wrong to anyone, would he?...