Donkey Kong Harshly Sentenced At Trial After "Bananza"

The consequences of a 17 layer "Bananza" are sinking in for Donkey Kong, after the erratic gorilla faced inevitably harsh sentencing in front of the high court of elder animal tribe DJ's this afternoon.

Over 20 hours of sheer destruction could not be denied after it was vividly captured and immortalised through Nintendo's latest AAA video game, Donkey Kong Bananza. Players were shocked that the so called "hero" appeared to be decimating the environment and its patrons more than he was saving it.

Court proceedings would certify this theory as correct. Gameplay reveals that the Nintendo Switch 2 video game is told entirely from Donkey Kong's perspective. Locals of each layer inhibit their own unique dialects indistinguishable to other species (including apes), and their encouraging language shown on screen are actually DK's delusional misinterpretations spurred on by a banana overdose.

Perception is everything.

The elders themselves denied complicacy to the rampage, stating that they felt under hostage in DK's presence, which resulted in the ancient Bananza powers handed over relatively easily.

"It was a similar experience to a convenience store clerk being held at gunpoint by a crackhead. You want to cheerfully give them what they want and pray for minimum disruption. In hindsight we may have underestimated DK's appetite for bananas, power, and uh... destruction."

Even the closest of family members have had enough of Donkey Kong's antics.

"No one ever listens to me. Throughout the entire game (and every one prior) I warned that Donkey Kong is a good for nothing, self righteous banana addict. Wait until you see him devouring emeralds!" Stated DK's father, Cranky Kong.

"Whether his intent was to save the layers from the stupid Voidco and cracked out crocodile, or that was all entirely a coincidence, nothing justifies the level of damage incurred. DK literally destroyed livelihoods and stole resource for himself. This was not an act of philanthropy. Yes, he is my son, but he's also a stupid, selfish cunt."

Donkey Kong is required to pay back an undisclosed number of bananas in damages to each layer, with the sum believed to already be paid in full thanks to the primate's well known wealth accumulated from past endeavours with Nintendo.

He's not off that easy though. Donkey Kong will remain in custody until his next court date, where he faces much more serious charges of allegedly kidnapping a naive 13 year old girl.

"Where he belongs." - Cranky Kong.