Microsoft Reveals That New Un-announced Game Is Also Cancelled


Microsoft Studios, fresh off announcing that Crackdown 3 is once again delayed into oblivion, has proudly revealed mere minutes before their anticipated Gamescom 2017 conference that yet another Xbox One exclusive is cancelled and dragged into the recycle bin. The twist with this particular title though, is that it hasn't even been announced to the public or media yet.

The details of the cancellation can be found in the press release below, which has been archived for the world to laugh at for years to come:

GAMESCOM - COLOGNE, GERMANY 20th August 2017 Microsoft Studios proudly announced today that due to our inability to develop and manage any video game property properly since the abysmal launch of our Xbox One platform in 2013, that yet another game title is ceasing development. We just couldn't contain our excitement over this prolific decision any longer and felt it was important to isolate this news outside our scheduled conference, so our shareholders know we have their best interests at heart. Those said shareholders have been clambering for another game to be cancelled from Xbox One's already pathetic 2018 calendar year and we are proud that we can deliver on those desires.

In an unusual occurrence, the title in question was not yet known to anyone past the solidified walls of Microsoft's beloved headquarters in Redmond, Washington. As a result, Microsoft Studio's will not confirm or deny the exact details of the game in question. However, we do believe Microsoft have some of the best fans in the world and we are happy to reveal a couple of cryptic details that some of the most hardcore, die-hard Xbots may be able to decipher and gain some inner peace with. Please take the following information and clues at your own disposal.

WARNING!! This is sure going to be difficult for someone to figure out!!!!

Microsoft Studios can confirm that we were indeed the publisher of the cancelled title, which saw an entry from the IP that was universally loved by everyone on the Xbox 360 in 2008. The series also had 2 entries on the stupid cartridge based console, the Nintendo 64. Traditionally the IP was a platformer starring a bird and bear in tandem, until we were given creative input and forced the developers to catastrophically fuck up the formula with stupid nuts and bolts, forming ride-able vehicles that no-one asked for.

The game that was cancelled, was set to be a direct sequel to the first two games and was known internally as B**** THREEIE. It ran at a beautiful 4K/60FPS and featured beautiful platforming gameplay plus absolutely breathtaking environments. It had collectable elements that was not overdone, the typical humour the series was known for, focused on exploration, flight and even included online modes such as co-op. 

It may sound like the game of everyone's dreams on paper but you need to believe our educated, creative minds at Microsoft Studios and the executives at Microsoft; no-one would have liked or bought the game. We felt so sure in our convictions that we thoroughly believe the game was essentially an oasis; It had to be too good to be true. So we took swift action without contemplating any alternative or even letting rational thought sink in and cancelled the project. It was supposed to be a surprise announcement at Gamescom 2017, but we felt it was necessary to notify the public of its existence anyway to re-assure fans that we all dodged a major bullet and avoided an inevitable 40/100 Metacritic despite it appearing to be a minimal 90/100. 

We even had playtesters state to us that Banjo Threeie was possibly the best game they had ever seen at the Alpha stage of development, particularly for a platformer. We subsequently fired those testers for gross incompetence and hired a bunch of new employees who think that Rare's next un-announced title "Kinect Dance Fitness Sports" is going to be incredible. They've even convinced us to pair the peripheral with the launch of our next console generation, the Xbox Zero.

We hope you understand that Microsoft and its internal studios always strive for what's best for our fans and the decision to cancel Banjo Threeie should be celebrated worldwide as a victory for those people. We like to keep a transparent nature and keep information forthcoming to our consumers and shareholders alike, and want everyone to know that we are not afraid to cancel a promising looking project no matter how close to completion they may be. We are here to protect you from the utter shit that we have greenlit for development. A bad game will forever be bad but a bad cancelled game will forever be nothing. Better play no games than a bad game right?

Oh shit I just revealed what the cancelled game was! It's a shame that whatever I write in a Microsoft press release is live posted to the world thanks to our latest technology. The power of that cloud hey!?
Can you figure out what series the cancelled game is from?
Era Error reached out to Microsoft for clarification on the press release. Xbox CEO Phil Spencer stated to us exclusively that a Microsoft associate will be making a statement during their conference which will be airing today 12:00PM PDT at various online outlets.