Microsoft Reveals That New Un-announced Game Is Also Cancelled

Fresh off announcing that Crackdown 3 is once again delayed into oblivion, Microsoft has proudly revealed minutes before their Gamescom 2017 conference that even unannounced exclusives are being dragged into the recycle bin.


The press release:

"GAMESCOM - COLOGNE, GERMANY — 20th August 2017 — Microsoft Studios proudly announced today that due to our inability to develop any video game properly since the abysmal launch of the Xbox One in 2013, that yet another title is ceasing development.

The game in question was not yet known to anyone outside our beloved headquarters in Redmond, Washington. As a result, we will not confirm or deny the exact details of the game in question. However, we are happy to reveal a couple of cryptic details that some of the most hardcore, die-hard Xbots may be able to decipher to gain some inner peace. Please take the following clues at your own disposal.

The cancelled title was a rare one, as the last entry from the beloved series occurred on the Xbox 360 in 2008 while seeing two more before that on the stupid cartridge based Nintendo 64. Traditionally the IP was a 3D platformer starring a bird and bear in tandem, until we were given creative input and forced the developers to catastrophically fuck up the formula with stupid nuts and bolts, forming ride-able vehicles that no-one asked for.

The game set to be cancelled was a direct sequel to the first two games and was known internally as B**** THREEIE. It ran at a beautiful 4K/60FPS and featured beautiful platforming gameplay plus absolutely breathtaking environments. It had collectables that were not overdone with a focus on exploration, while incorporating the typical humour the series was known for.

Can you figure out what series the cancelled game is from?

It may sound like the game of everyone's dreams on paper but you need to believe our educated, creative minds at Microsoft Studios — No-one would have liked it. We thoroughly think the game was an oasis; It had to be too good to be true. So we took swift action without letting rational thought sink in and cancelled the project. It was supposed to be a surprise announcement at Gamescom 2017, but deep down we know we dodged an inevitable 30/100 Metacritic.

Our stupid playtesters pleaded for us to reconsider cancelling Banjo Threeie. We subsequently fired them and hired a bunch of brown-nosers who think that Rare's next un-announced title "Kinect Dance Fitness Sports" is going to be incredible instead.

We want everyone to know that we're not afraid to cancel a promising looking project no matter how close to completion it may be. A bad game will forever be bad but a bad cancelled game will forever be nothing. Better play no games than a bad game right?"


Yeah, that's great and all, but based on that ideology, could you care to explain why the burning dumpster fire that is Crackdown 3 isn't cancelled yet?