Jim Ryan Spits On Old PS1 At Press Conference


Not shy of showing his disdain towards old video games, PlayStation CEO Jim Ryan has publicly spat on Sony's legacy machine that started it all.



Jim Ryan is a polarising character in the video game industry. Well known for focusing Sony's efforts with the PlayStation brand purely towards modern content, the CEO lacks any ambition to embrace the company's legacy as a means for revenue or to simply appease their fan base.

Gamers who've played any PlayStation over the past 4 decades sternly disagree with Ryan's stance. So much so that Ryan was forced to retract previous comments disregarding classic titles to shut up the building hysteria.
Unfortunately he wasn't able to subdue his true colours for long, as footage has emerged of Jim publicly spitting on a prop PlayStation 1 console after a reporter asked about incorporating retro content into Sony's lineup during a CES 2022 broadcast.


It's not the first time Jim Ryan has frothed at the mouth regarding classic Playstation systems.


"I don't know why all of you nerd cunts are still attached to this redundant shit. Those graphics literally make my eyes bleed! It's only a very loud, stupid minority that cares about pointless crap like antique video games. You know what they say — forget your past and milk your future dry — and that's exactly where I'm taking this brand."

"Sony PlayStation 5 is all about big blockbuster video games and we're going to whore them out exactly like super hero movies hitting the cinemas. It's not a bubble that'll burst while I'm in charge so I don't give a fuck and neither do our shareholders. Are you a moron that's only interested in retro games? We have a system for that. It's called the PlayStation ONE."

Jim Ryan then proceeded to open the lid of a PS1 on display and spit directly into the laser, rendering the system unusable, to shocked inaudible cries of an appalled crowd in attendance.

"Fuck retro games and fuck all of you! It's a waste of effort to sort out contracts, licenses and all that for old, poor people games, when I can make $70 games a pop and cut chunks out of them to sell as $30 DLC packs. Did you really expect me to come out and announce a port of Riiiiiiiiidge Racer running on a PSP or something? Come @ me on Twitter when you blow your load at the new Gran Turismo 7 in a couple of weeks."

"Oh and don't get me started on GamePass or retro game subscriptions otherwise I'll go shit in that Nintendo PlayStation prototype over there. I'm not your friend. I'm here to suck on the credit card in your wallet like a leech!"

But you could easily suck me dry with retro subscriptions of poorly emulated games that I've already purchased 30 times just like Nintendo does with their god awful classic gaming services. Oh that's right, Sony executives only want to suck off minors.