EA Says Only Losers Want Fight Night 2022

After feeling pressure to reboot their once revered Fight Night boxing series for modern gen consoles, Electronic Arts has dramatically responded to critics by revealing its future.


Fight Night was once EA Sport's marquee fighting title during the label's prestigious line-up in the mid 2000's, only to be put on the back burner when EA acquired the UFC license off a defunct THQ in 2012. Fans of the series have become increasingly vocal about their desires to see a new game, particularly after critical perception of the UFC franchise has dropped considerably.


The online furor was consistently loud enough for EA to acknowledge the pressure mounting over the boxing franchise. However, instead of revealing the true Fight Night sequel we all desired, we're receiving hints of a micro-transaction plagued future by Chris Bruzzo — EA's EVP of Marketing & Commercial Money-Sucking.


A hint at what's to come.

"Jesus christ, will you Cheeto cheese snorting nerds please stop upsetting our shareholders by posting the #FightNight2022 hashtag all over EA's social media pages? It's even more annoying than the #Skate4 bullshit we were forced to succumb to last time!"


"What I can't understand is why anyone would want to virtually fight someone with pussy padded gloves on when they can execute poorly articulated punches and grapples with our mediocre UFC games. You'd have to be a real loser to want a Fight Night game in 2021."


"In fact, we detest the silky smooth dual stick sensation that is Fight Night so much, we signed an illu$ive non-compete contract with UFC's Dana White to ensure no one accidentally releases something that gamers want. I'm not telling you when that deal expires either so you'll succumb to our shitty capitalistic practices and purchase some half assed UFC games that EA over committed to contractually but will never admit."


"Be careful what you wish for though, as it should be noted that at EA, we like to EA, and might release a 'surprise mechanic' riddled game under the Fight Night Brand — with mostly generic fighters, unlicenced equipment, on a deplorably old engine that is held behind quick time events before every punch that requires pay to win elements via micro-transactions to activate.


You know what? Fuck Dana White. That's a damn great idea! Hold the presses!"


EA has also defended itself against our attention seeking attempt to have the company cancelled over the QTEPTPMTX acronym, after we suggested it was a homophobic slur against the 2SLGBTQ+ community.