An over zealous Xbox extremist shockingly details why he crossed his arms into an 'X' during Microsoft's E3 2019 conference.
After noticing the ridiculous hand gestures during the conference, Era Error tracked down the lunatic to understand his fanatical tendencies for a giant gaming corporation who just wants to eat his wallet. Presuming the man may have been paid by Microsoft to act enthusiastically, we were surprised to learn his reasoning did not align with our expectations.
"The symbol relates to one of my favourite Internet pastimes." The creep began.
"I'm not talking about Xbox Live either. The reason I've been attending these Xbox conferences isn't to witness new video games, but to celebrate my love of hardcore pornography. My hand gesture is to signify the 'X' in XXX, not Xbox"
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| Umm, what? |
Then why on earth are you doing that at a gaming conference and not a Sex Expo?
"Well, I'm still a fan of Xbox, but not because of video games. You see my favourite types of porn are extremely graphic — You know the type of stuff you don't want your friends and family to find out about. Unfortunately there was an incident where I had some relatives over at my apartment, but my urge to rub one out became so unbearable, that I went into my bedroom to quickly do the deed."
"To my dismay, I accidentally casted the horrific video I was pleasuring myself with to the lounge TV, which was unfortunately witnessed by all in attendance. It was a good while until I noticed too."
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| The grandparents left in disgust. |
"I vowed to never jerk off again, until the urge hit me once more about 2 hours later. That's when I noticed my Xbox sitting under my TV. I knew no-one would use the god awful Edge browser on the OS so I'd be safe from a video or search history leaking to an unintended acquaintance."
"And I was right! I've been a thankful Xbox fan ever since and attend every E3 to show my gratitude."
What about the other fans of Microsoft's platform in attendance? Are they addicted to hardcore porn too?
"Absolutely! Anyone crossing their arms in the crowd doesn't give two fucks about video games, they're celebrating the Xbox for its safe and secure porn viewing abilities."
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| It all makes sense now. © Xbox Fan Fest |
Hard to argue with that logic. It's a shame Era Error wasn't aware of the symbolism before the conference, as the majority of our team would have happily stood side by side with their brothers and sisters in the crowd.
