Bungie Avoids Activision's Attempted Murder

In news that largely contradicts the history of video games, a Developer controlled by an overbearingly capitalist Publisher has somehow avoided its scheduled demise.

Game Developer Bungie - best known as the creator of the Halo and Destiny series - appeared to sign its inevitable death wish when the company contracted a ten year publishing deal with evil gaming conglomerate Activision after splitting from Microsoft in 2007.

Activision has a history of destroying flourishing video game companies, including Sierra, Neversoft & Bizarre Creations. Despite not directly acquiring Bungie, it appeared that the lengthy publishing deal would give Activision enough control to eventually dictate proceedings. Recent news suggested that Activision had become frustrated with the revenue generated from Destiny 2 and was beginning to exercise a similar stranglehold on Bungie's output.

Damned if you do. Damned if you dont.

Thankfully recent news reveals a different outcome, as Bungie announced it has successfully avoided the slow suffocation of Activision and split from the company, to become a completely independent entity.

"You don't sign a publishing deal with finance obsessed Satanists and not expect them to slowly consume your assets until they knife you in the back. Activision has a history and it was quite literal when their CEO started walking around the office muttering threats under his breath with an obviously concealed sword that he'd try to pull out while we weren't looking." Bungie CEO Pete Parsons

"They'll never see this coming." - Activision CEO Bobby Kotick

"We needed Activision purely for a capital injection to launch Destiny, and it's amazing that it's finally a developer who is able to use, abuse and wipe their asshole with a company once they're done with them."

Activision Blizzard's CEO Bobby Kotick returned Era Error's request for comment with a statement that confirms Bungie's sentiments:

"After playing nice with Bungie for several years it was finally time to usurp them as destined in their prophecy (contract). Those bastards wouldn't allow us to restructure and siphon money out of the company, so we had no choice but to sacrifice them to our master. Unfortunately they saw the sword underneath my shirt before I could stab them in the back. I wanted to slowly harvest their organs after brutally slicing through their spines - just like we did to Radical - but nooooo!!!"
RIP Radical.

"How am I meant to explain this to Satan (Investors)? Our plan to harvest Blizzard is still a few years away from completion and we can't allow EA to be the sacrifice king. Hell (Wall Street) is going to be pissed!"

Now that Bungie is free from the claws of the devil, all eyes are on Activision as they look to fill the large gap in their portfolio. What company will they purchase to suck dry and sacrifice next? Crytek? Bluehole? Gearbox? We might be ok with the latter option.