The astonishing details were scoured from a memo sent to Take-Two's corporate staff by CEO Strauss Zelnick and contains the Mega-Publisher's plans regarding Red Dead Redemption 2 on PC. The game released as a console exclusive on PS4 and Xbox One two weeks ago, and although a future PC release was presumed, it was never confirmed. Until now.
The following memo was leaked by an anonymous & disgruntled staff member, who claims to have become disillusioned with the company:
"Dear Slaves,
Red Dead Redemption 2 has officially released exclusively to current generation consoles and is absolutely dominating the landscape. In just 8 days, we've already destroyed it's predecessor's total sales figures after 8 years on the market. It's absolutely, F.U.C.K.I.N.G incredible! Money is bursting through the seams on the Executive Level at Take-Two, and if you believe in trickle down economics, you might see your hard work rewarded. Well, probably not actually. *laughs*
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| You'll never get to experience the festivities on the Executive Level. |
Now that I've bought 12 more Yachts and living The Wolf of Wall Street life once again, I can reveal our plans for the PC port that was completed alongside the console versions and currently laying dormant.
Sales figures prove that every single projected PC player has already bought the console version and I'm now confident to enact the 'Double Dip Protocol' ahead of schedule. Lets gouge those fuckers into purchasing the PC version before Christmas so I can enjoy an extra large bonus this financial year!
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| The PC port is already raring to go. |
Sure they'll be pissed off and have a cry on Reddit, but they'll still buy another copy even if we charge an extra $20. Just wait until we release a port on PS5 & Xbox Zero a year later and they buy another. The port temptation is more effective than Loot-Boxes & Micro-Transactions combined!
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| Releasing as soon as you purchase the PC Port. |
When I finally run out of AAA-Grade Cocaine to rail off the Strippers in my office, I'll pull the trigger on the release. It's going to be sooner rather than later. This shit is great!
'Consumers are Cows. Milk them dry.'
Your Almighty Master,
Strauss Zelnick
CEO, Take-Two"
Despite the news of Take-Two's scummy business practices, we still plan to buy on PC for the superior performance and customisation. We'll probably also purchase the Switch version to help escape from the filth-filled commute to our shit-hole office as well. Let's not forget the inevitable Next-Gen port either as we could easily quadruple dip on that. Oh and the Definitive Edition. Damn, Rockstar Games are like Crack!
