In a pathetic ploy to counter Capcom's recent reveal of Mega Man 11, ex-producer of the IP Keiji Inafune has desperately announced a new title in his abysmal rip-off Mighty No. series. The announcement was revealed by a very obviously rushed press release this morning that bypassed Inafune's own company's (Level-5 Comcept) PR department and was written by the man himself.
The embarrassing press release can be seen below:
15th December 2017
Press Release
Level-5 COMCEPT Ltd. Osaka, Japan
By Keiji Inafune
In swift retaliation to my old asshole company that thinks I'm a spastic for leaving and a failure without them, I'm announcing my counter to Mega Man 11 immediately - Mighty No. 12.
Let me make this clear right now: Mega Man 11 is going to be fucking shit! Just look at that sad trailer Capcom released yesterday for proof. It looks worse than Mighty No. 9! Those cunts have absolutely no idea what to do without me. I bet they're freaking out in their offices, just nodding their heads back and forth at each other in panic while they wait for my next move. We'll here it is CapCunts!
Mighty No. 12 is going to be revolutionary, mark my words. There's going to be hundreds of levels, thousands of enemies, millions of weapons, billions of glitches and trillions of fucking sick shit everywhere! This project is going to be out of control huge with the game developed simultaneously on 60 different platforms including the Philips CDi and Apple Pippin plus I'm going to print 100 million physical copies available at launch. There's also going to be three different cartoon series including a Hentai, a merchandising chain, a VR porn app where you get to see Beck blast his gun up his own asshole, a chain of 200 retail stores worldwide that only sells the game as it's going to be the best game of all time, a toothpaste brand, 15 different breakfast cereals, plus a bunch more other useless bullshit that you're all going to love!
I know you guys might think that this is going to fail and be Mighty No. 9 all over again, but trust me, it won't. I'm way more desperate this time. I lost it all with Mighty No. 9. I don't know how as the idea and execution was absolutely fucking flawless. I was also totally blindsided by the fact that no one would buy the mediocre Xbox One exclusive Re-Core. Who'd have thought there were only 150 X1 consoles sold in Japan hey? My stupid business decisions meant that I had to sell Comcept to Level-5, ironically for a measely 5000 Yen token card to a Capcom Pachinko department in downtown Osaka. I now live in a fucking cardboard box in the Nishinari ward, and I'm now addicted to the crack version of the crushed up Atari Jaguar shells that gets you freshly Goomed beyond recollection.
We haven't actually started development of Mighty No. 12 (just like No. 9) or even discussed it yet either, but trust me, it's going to be sick and way better than Mega Man 11! My game is number fucking 12 not 11, what more evidence do you douche's need??? I also haven't acquired any funding from Level-5 because I actually don't work there any more as they said I'm finished, plus it was just an idea in my head that I started screaming out loud over and over after the Mega Man announcement sent me loopy (Jag-Shell gets you super edgy and paranoid after excessive use), so I'm going to need you guys to put your faith in my ability and pledge some money on my Indie Go-Go page. Unfortunately Kickstarter banned me for life after my last Mighty No. 9 scam... which No.12 totally won't be, I swear man!
Please guys just donate some money to me so I can go buy a can of fucking corn to gnaw on with my gums as I no longer have any teeth. Oh shit is that Sailor Moon over there??? Fuck off Hamtaro I don't want to finger your pussy you gaping rat! Alright Hello Kitty I'll triple penetrate you with Domo and Doraemon if you're that desperate. Man this crack version of Jag-Shell is off the fucking hook!!!
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| The scene running through Inafune's head is not going to be pretty. |
UPDATE: Keiji Inafune's Mighty No. 12 Indie Go-Go is now owing 40 million Yen as it appears the infamous Chubbs Tubber has hacked the page after somehow managing to read the words Canned Corn on this article and got excited.
UPDATE 2: A spokesperson from Indie Go-Go has stated that they have alerted their Japanese branch about the debt associated with the account, and the Hanafuda Yakuza has apparently been sent to deal with Inafune.
