Microsoft States Xbox One X Demand 'Super High'


Corporate Vice President of Devices at Microsoft, Panos Panay has recently stated in an interview that the demand for their newest and most powerful console - Xbox One X - is 'Super High'. But how high is Super High we ponder? We peppered Panay for the answer in our latest interview.

EE: Before we begin, how do you feel about holding the title of 'Most Generic & Meaningless Corporate Title On The Planet'?

PP: It helps my fragile mind sleep at night and makes it appear like I'm 'Super' important so pretty damn good. *laughs*

EE: Sure. Panay, you've recently gone on the record stipulating that the demand for the Xbox One X is 'Super High' but you fell short on releasing any actual numbers to prove this. Do you care to share with us all how 'High' is 'Super High'?

PP: Absolutely! The Xbox One X is smashing records all over the globe in pre-sales and our retailers are super hysterical about its performance. It's the super highest demand we've seen for our Xbox One brand.

EE: Ok that sounds great and all, but you've dismissed my request for hard numbers. Also, your comparison to pre-sales to the other SKU's in the Xbox One brand isn't all that impressive, as both of those have somewhat struggled in the market previously.

PP: You're not looking at the bigger picture, the Xbox brand is doing Super right now. We had a tough time initially portraying our vision to the consumer but I think we've done a Super job doing that with the X. We're about to have the most expensive console on the market and the least amount of game exclusives ever. The X is a Super transparent console with Super expensive components and a Super weak CPU so we don't abandon the One's eco-system. We've ticked all the boxes and the consumer is responding.



EE: Again, you've used generic corporate PR terms and have not given any hard numbers. Can you please give some stats to back up your statements?

PP: Super is a description of a number! People have pre-ordered our Xbox One X console and we think that's Super!

EE: I don't want descriptions of numbers. I'd like real numbers please! Do you have something to hide?

PP: Look let me put it this way. If you only pulled One cone you'd be 'High'. If you pulled X amount though, you'd be 'Super High'. Understand what I'm saying dooode? Do I have to act like a dirty corporation and put it in numbers for you?

EE: Yes cunt you actually fucking do!

PP: Jesus you're a narc. Alright here's the Super number man. The amount of Xbox One X pre-orders is Super Nintendo.

EE: Super Nintendo? So you have 2 million X1X's pre-ordered? That's actually quite impressive!

PP: No, no. *laughs hysterically* You don't understand what I'm doing! I keep saying the word Super lately as that word is associated with the Super Nintendo Classic which has been selling incredibly well. I'm trying to brainwash people into associating the Xbox One X with the SNES classic so they go and buy our latest console.

EE: That's just fucking stupid. Are you high right now?

PP: Super.

Microsoft's Panos Panay tripping out at our offices.