Inaugural Masterchef Gamer Winner Crowned


The winner of the first ever MasterChef Gamer has been crowned after the first season finale aired on Twitch during Friday evening. Artii Atarii narrowly edged out the hot favourite T.H Queue on the last dish in the evening. Unfortunately for T.H Queue, he's now announced his bankruptcy as he needed the prize money to subdue some of his suicidal business decisions in his personal life. For Atarii however, he's now using his 'Hall Pass' to misbehave during a massive bender that everyone is entitled to after winning anything somewhat novel.

Before he ran off to raise havoc to society, we caught up with Artii Atarii and asked him to document his MasterChef Gamer Finale experience:

AA: Can we please get this over with. I want to fuck shit up!!

EE: Of Course Mr Atarii, I'd hate to get in the way of anyone ready to destroy the fabric of society! It was looking grim there early with some of your entry dishes, but you managed to gradually turn the tables during each challenge and narrowly trump T.H.Q in the end. From your perspective, how did you see things unfold?

AA: It was a shock when the judges didn't enjoy my bowl of Lucky Charms & Gummy Bears drenched in Coca-Cola early on. That was my go to dish at home when I needed a quick, nutritious fix during my streaming sessions. I couldn't just roll over and die after a disastrous start so I decided to persevere. Fortunately the judges loved my next 3 dishes. The first was a basket of kit kats dipped in Ranch sauce & served as fries, seasoned with pop rocks and Chilli powder. Second was stuffed marshmallows, containing a Hummus and Pineapple stuffing and glazed with vinegar.

Fortunately I saved my best for last; My signature dish that sent the pathetic scumbag THQ into administration - the glorious 'Cheezy Dorizo'. THQ served M&M's with tasteless Twizzlers coated in Buffalo Wing sauce, all served on top of a useless U-Draw tablet which was absolutely ridiculed by the judges. They said that the U-Draw could cripple him beyond return and that it was the stupidest fucking idea ever conceived. Worse than the chopped up raspberries and cherries squished inside a virtual boy which was served in the early stages of the competition. If you're still wondering who won, I'll let the picture of my dish do the talking for me:

Cheezy Dorizo.
What a fucking loser.


   EE: Thanks for your time Artii Atarii. May your future bear 2600's instead of 5200's you stupid piece of shit finished game brand!

AA: Thanks dude! I have a bag of grounded up Atari Jaguar shells ready to be snorted as soon as I reach the after-party. I managed to source some from a dentistry company who were using the shells as a cover for their equipment. The gnarly drugs used in conjunction with those machines had soaked into the plastic and when snorted they give a fucking crazy high! I'll be higher than that Microsoft Executive Panos Panay before I know it.

EE: That is absolutely insane dude. Go on, get out of here!

If you're an avid gamer or involved with with the video game in some capacity, Twitch is currently accepting applications for MasterChef Gamer Season 2 which can be accessed via their app or website.