Woman Manages To Drive Over Pedestrian In Midtown Madness

In an unprecedented occurrence which has rocked the video game industry to its very core, a twenty-seven year old woman has achieved something that no person has managed to do before her - Kill a pedestrian in Microsoft & Angel Studio's iconic 1999 PC racing title, Midtown Madness.

Jill Grant has been fixated on trying to drive over pedestrians while controlling one of the game's zany vehicles - a feat that is made impossible by the game's engine - since she was 9 years old and remembers the moment vividly. Era Error reached out to Jill for more details on the momentous journey to where we find ourselves today and she happily obliged.

It all began one gloomy Friday night in 1999 at my family's humble abode. I had a couple of friends sleeping over and our options were severely limited due to the weather at the time. In a desperate plea for something to do, I decided to boot up our family desktop computer. The girls gathered around me when I luckily found an icon of Midtown Madness on the desktop and I double clicked to boot it up.

Instantly we were hooked. As I started the single player portion, some fucking loser's voice with a disgusting Chicago accent told me to explore the city, so I did. Unfortunately being a 9 year old girl before the new millennium, my gaming skills were super shit and I was spazzing around all over the road. My little brother came in the room and started laughing at how fucking crap I was, which seriously pissed me off. It was at this moment I decided to take my rage out on the virtual road and attempted to run over some pedestrians. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't do it. The little Sim fuckers would jump out of the way! My brother then exclaimed that he managed to run one over a mere couple of hours ago as he ran out of the room in a fit of laughter. The fact that little shit was capable of something I wasn't was the very factor that spurred me on my quest to kill virtual innocent people!

Unfortunately for me, the internet wasn't all that prominent during that era and for many years I didn't actually know that the developers were forced to program the game engine to make it impossible to collide with pedestrians as Microsoft was scared of virtual mass murder. (obviously now no longer a concern) With my naivety in tact, I was more determined than ever to achieve this stupid and pointless degenerate feat which would get me no-where in life, so alas I persevered. For many, many years in fact.

It didn't matter how many people or internet articles would tell me that it was impossible to run over people in Midtown Madness; My brother told me it was fucking possible so it had to be true! I wasted 18 years of my life before I even came close to fulfilling my lifelong prophecy of completing an absolutely redundant objective that no one in their right mind would give a shit about. I live-streamed everyday for the past 5 years and I developed quite the following from dedicated fans who would encourage me with reverse psychological phrases to complete the task at hand. I thought they were being mean at first, but one subscriber definitely re-assured me that his insults were aiming for the opposite effect so I began to embrace it and be thankful for their support. It was during one of those streams a few days ago that the seemingly impossible finally happened.

I was trying to ram every cunt down left, right and centre in the virtual Chicago city, trying the same method I used for the past 18 years which never worked but I was still expecting a different result. And do you know what?? It fucking happened!!! The game blinked black for about a second and after that magical frame appeared, my piece of shit Ford Mustang Cop car rammed right through that soulless bitch and ended her life!! I did it! I actually managed to fulfil my early life's work! All that hard work paid off for me and I have no one to thank but myself for this life changing achievement!

The significant moment was captured via stream in front of Jill's endearing fans
Interestingly however, we were able to reach out to Jill's younger brother Andy (now 24 himself) which paints a different picture to the story.
Well I think it's pretty obvious to the majority of the planet that I never actually ran over anyone in Midtown Madness. I was just fulfilling my role of being a shithead little brother. If I knew that attempting to run over a pedestrian would consume Jill's early life and become an obsession for her over 18 years I would never have done it.

It had just reached the point to where she needed to fucking stop! Luckily I now live in Redmond, Washington, USA, right next to Bill Gates and I asked him for a favour. He owed me for convincing Sony executives as a junior playtester that Lair had the fucking sickest control scheme and should be a focal piece of the PS3's relatively early days.
Bill Gates says he is very generous with his donations to charity and Jill's struggle would not be an exception.
Jill Grant's case is just such a sad story of someone being a stupid fucking idiot for believing a completely obvious fake joke over a ridiculous amount of time. I felt no choice but to help end her public embarrassment as I'm a charitable man and well... Off the record if I may? (We said no under our breath) To be completely fucking honest she was hurting the image of our new Mixer streaming platform that just launched as that became her program of choice. When she was using Twitch or Youtube I didn't give two fucks about her but after her switch to Mixer she left me no choice but to shut the idiot down! Back on the record now... Ahem. So then I called a programmer I know on Skype which still lagged like shit despite it being 2017 and he agreed to splice some footage of a beta build of the game into her stream where it was still possible to mow down pedestrians to make people feel good about themselves. We believe it's going to be a happy ending for all now that the Charade is over!
We reached out to Jill Grant one last time to ask her what she was going to do with her time now that the "Madness" if finally over:
I'm going to try and murder more pedestrians in Midtown Madness 2!