Nintendo Cross (NX), A Fantasy Platform


Nintendo fanboy fever has hit new highs in recent weeks, as an entitled public craves information on a video games console they desperately need revealed for their pathetic lives to become worthwhile. Before you try to break my bones with virtual words that can't possibly ever hurt me, it's ok, as I am also one of you. Hilariously, delusion about Nintendo's platform (codenamed NX) is currently spreading faster and deforming more brains than the Zika virus.

DISCLAIMER: This article originally appeared during an Era - hah - when we were known as NoClipp. Times have since changed. Our garbage content hasn't.

Every kid and their dog has an opinion on what NX could possibly be, both from a hardware and software perspective. The dream is that Nintendo makes a single hybrid piece of hardware which is  capable of both portability and play on a television, but with their periodic track record of kamakaze hardware decisions it seems extremely unlikely and would requre some wizardry.

The main consensus at the moment is the hardware consisting of two forms, a portable device and a home console, that both connect together in some meaningful way. It's also been logically stated that software developed for NX will be cross compatible with each piece of hardware, allowing the same games to be played portably or in a home environment. This has been hinted at by Nintendo themselves in the past, through previous interviews documenting ways to circumvent issues that plagued both the WiiU and 3DS this generation, so it is perfectly feasible.

I am not however writing this article to discuss what I think Nintendo will actually produce for their next generational line of gaming machines, as Nintendo logic is impossible to predict and completely absurd at the best of times. What I am doing, is stating what I WOULD DO if I were in CONTROL. My wishes aren't that far fetched either. I'm not a technological guru who rigorously bats off to computer specs, but to my knowledge these ideas are rather grounded and possible. Who knows, maybe "Shiggy" and "Kimi-Shimi" are having old "'Bilbo' Trinen" from Nintendo Treehouse translate this pathetic story right now and are halting the Chinese Foxconn slaves' production on the NX to incorporate my ideas... or maybe not.

My NX. Not that Farfetch'd!

To begin, let's talk about form factor.

The Nintendo NX will indeed be two pieces of hardware, a portable and a home console. SOLD SEPERATELY! Each piece of hardware is independently operated and does NOT require both devices together to function. If you're a console gamer, you'll only need to purchase a Home System. If you're a portable gamer, you'll only need to purchase the portable System.

The beauty of this set-up, is that there is only one eco-system of game software. The NX eco-system. If you buy a game digitally, it will be linked to your Nintendo account and can be played on either the Home System or the portable System at no extra cost. If you buy a physical copy from a store, the game will work on both the Home and Portable system. It's just a matter of inserting the game to the desired device, and playing.

This is beneficial for both the consumer and Nintendo. Having software that is compatible with both form factors enables value and flexibility for the consumer, plus also enables Nintendo to streamline development costs and boost the amount of software available, removing droughts. This is possible thanks to a number of things. For one, both the portable and home system use the same type of physical media; Game Cartridges. Shaped much like a slightly larger SD card, both systems utilise the very same game card. Also, both systems are harmonised with the same operating system, which optimises cross development. Scalability also allows the very same developed software to work on different specifications. For example, the home console that has higher specs can operate a game at a higher resolution and graphical density, where the portable operates the same game at lower resolution and density.

Cloud storage linked to your Nintendo account will also help integrate the two devices in the NX platform together. Your game saves will no longer be tethered to a system but actually be virtual. This enables total control of your game time. Let me put this scenario together in a real life sense. You've just bought a new NX game, and you've been playing it all night on your home console. Unbelievably, because your gaming habits are incredibly similar to a crack addict, it's now 8am and you need to get your smelly butt onto a train to commute to work. You've finally found a seat next to another smelly freak, this time a junkie/alcoholic who's also been up all night doing god knows what. You're not sure you can handle the aroma and desperately need an escape from reality to get you through to your final stop 50 minutes away. Then you remembered, you're a member of the "NX master race"! You pull out your NX portable, turn on the game you were binging all last night, and pick up literally from the very last second you stopped. All thanks to the "power of the cloud"! (sorry Microsoft, you really screwed your launch of the Xbox one) After miraculously making it through your work day, you finally make it home, to find that your wife has left you because all you do is eat cheesey dorito's, drink Mtn Dew and play COD NX Modern BLOPS Advance DLC Map Pack Hero 3 Warfare Edition™ all day, but you don't even care. You've just returned to the same fucking game save you've been playing the whole entire time! Fucking PWNage Megat0n!

Members of the "NX Master Race" will NOT deal with train scum!!

Nintendo is also going to truly embrace their entire gaming catalogue. There's no disputing that their software history is the most decorated and vast in the industry. Instead of using the poorly integrated Virtual Console format, they will be introducing a service called "Legacy". Legacy is the equivalent of the Virtual Console on steroids. It will aim to include every single First Party Nintendo title ever developed (Arcade/NES/GB - Present) to eventually be available, with Second and Third Party also periodically introduced. Nintendo's new OS has also been developed to improve the compatibility of emulation, which heavily improves the porting process of older titles. Another major key feature of this service, is that each purchase will be tied to your Nintendo account, and playable on any current NX or future system. No re-purchase necessary. Once you own Super Mario Bros NES, you won't have to buy it another 200 times as much as the long late, great, ruthless dictator Yamauchi would've wanted you to.

Online integration, as seen with Nintendo Account, is finally being taken seriously. Matchmaking and voice chat are two components seeing a massive overhaul. Much like Xbox Live or PSN, matchmaking will be achieved through your Nintendo Account. Friends lists, invites, parties and chats are all components which have been streamlined and a true part of the OS. It's no longer a matter of relying on a game to support these features on their own. Another big factor, is that all your activity on Nintendo platforms is tied to your Nintendo Account instead of your system. Not just your purchases, but game saves, playlog statistics and all of your data.

Returning to Matchmaking, Legacy will also utilise this feature in new ways. The classic game catalogue will be infused with online multiplayer not capable in the glorious past. If a retro title included multi-player, it is now possible to invite or join friends who are in a multi-player session. Legacy knows if you're in a classic multi-player mode and flags you as joinable on the friends list. (if you choose to make that visible) When people join your session, they will take control of players 2,3,4 etc. as if they're sitting next to you, playing with their controllers connected to your console, only with overlayed voice chat. Imagine playing Mario Kart 64 online with 3 other buddies, shouting verbal abuse and wishing everyone to eat large piles of excrement! Or what about rage quitting your mate in a Contra 3 session as you don't give a fuck about him, his loser family and hope they all crumble into homeless scum & die painfully because he didn't cover you properly against the third boss??? Isn't modern gaming glorious!

Meet charming players expressing themselves online with older titles

There are also plans to translate and release older Japanese games. This has been incentivised after the incredibly hot critical and commercial reception Mother 3 received upon its arrival to Western/European shores for the first time in 2016 (Inception baby). It's also not unheralded, as Sin and Punishment (N64) was also translated and released on the Wii VC in the past. Other features, including save states will also appear. Nintendo is pushing content as its goal this generation, as their new software/hardware structure enables games to forever be available on future platforms once initially made available. Gimmick is no longer the name of the game.

It's also well known in the past that Nintendo have been reluctant to embrace certain online features to protect young children and their family oriented image. The gaming industry at large felt this has been a detracting and limiting factor on the company's capabilities. With the NX, this is set to change, as Parental Controls have been further developed, advanced and integrated into every facet of the Operating System. Adults can assign their own Nintendo Account as an administrator for a system and assign restrictions for their children's profiles, including: voice chat (private & public), message communications, online gameplay, mature content and digital purchases. This allows parents to have piece of mind for their children's safety online, while also allowing a feature rich online infrastructure for the rest of the community to enjoy.

At this point, I've lost interest in writing a coherent article, (This will no doubt become a trend in my disgraceful content) so here's a bunch of random made up information to complete my fantasy.

Introducing the Nintendo X™ platform.
Endless Play™

NINTENDO X CONSOLE
  • US$249.95
  • 1080p, 60FPS (Cheap Manufacturing due to aged Tech)
  • NX controller (discussed later)
  • Supports Wii controllers for Legacy gaming only
  • 500gb Internal HDD (No Optical Drive)
  • External HDD Capable
  • 4 USB 3.0 Slots (2 front to charge controllers)
  • Bluetooth
  • Wi-Fi
  • Ethernet port
  • NX Cartridge Slot
  • Super Mario Universe (NX Software)
  • 5 Legacy Games (Your Choice)

NINTENDO X PORTABLE
  • US$199.95
  • 720p multi-touch display
  • 32gb Internal HDD
  • SD Card Memory Support
  • Micro USB port (Charging, connect to PC)
  • Micro USB Cord
  • NX Cartridge Slot
  • Vivid Vibration/Rumble
  • Bluetooth
  • Wi-Fi/
  • Portable/Console Link to Utilise WiiU Legacy Mode
  • NX Console Controller Function
  • Pokemon Universe
  • 5 Legacy Games (Your Choice)

CONTROLLER
  • 4 Face buttons
  • 2 analogue shoulder buttons (click at full extension)
  • 2 click wheel shoulder buttons
  • 2 aligned analogue control sticks (click for button press)
  • D-Pad
  • +, -, home buttons (centre bottom)
  • Multi-Touch Trackpad *Console controller only*
  • Vivid Vibration/Rumble

$50 Cashback scheme. Register both console and portable to your Nintendo account within one year of launch.


At this point I just couldn't be fucked to do any decent Photoshopping.

LAUNCH TITLES
  • Super Mario Universe
  • Legend of Zelda: Fuck U
  • Pokemon Universe
  • Super Smash Bros X Edition
  • Pikmin 4
  • Duke Nukem 5 MeltDown
  • All EA Sports titles Which Are Exactly The Same Except For A New Number And Shitty Money Making Virtual Card Game
  • Max Payne 4: Shaved My Beard Off
  • Far Cry: Before Big Bang Theory Sheldon
  • Sonic The Hedgehog Reboot 2
  • COD: World War 1 RetroFuture
  • DOOM 4 with good boxart
  • Metroid Other Prime
  • Splat2n
  • F-Zero X.........2
  • 1083 Snowboarding
  • SSX Difficult
  • Mario Party X (Mario Party 11)
  • Wario Land XXX
  • Mario Kart X (Mario Kart 9)
  • Mortal Kombat X2
  • Punchout!! Vs Ronda Rousey
  • Donkey Kong Country: Rare Banana's
  • Father 4 (Spacebound)
  • Weird Japanese Nintendo Game that borders on incest porn that somehow is being released in west
  • Disaster: Week of Crisis
  • X Sports Vacation
  • Pilotwings Hijack
  • Fire Emblem Ending Destiny
  • Half Life 3
  • Alley Fighter 5: Alpha Super Mega Turbo Extreme Fast Insane 
  • Kirby Pink Bits
  • XenoSword XX
  • Luigi's Apartment
  • Adult Icarus
  • Star Fox -1
  • Yoshi's Toddler Foddler
  • Animal Crossing Same Game No.X
  • New Super Mario Bros. Fuck Not Fucking AGAIN ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!!
  • ExciteTrike
  • DuckCunt
  • COD NX Modern BLOPS Advance DLC Map Pack Hero 3 Warfare Edition™
  • Halo 6
  • Metal Gear Solid 6 (Konami Pachinko Port)
  • Grand Theft Auto: Redemption
  • Final Fantasy iCloud
  • Pacman Ecstasy
  • Assassin's Creed 39.
  • Hitman: Barcode Scanner
  • Resistance Is Fucking Shit 4
  • Forza Motorsport: Turismo
  • Need For Speed: Paul Walker
  • Tiger Woods Pornstar Tour
  • John Cena's WWE 17
  • Guitar Fagget
  • Tom Clancy's Stop Using My Name I'm Fucking Dead
  • Gears Of War: Cover Like A Little Bitch
  • F4AR
  • Banjo Kazooie 3: Screws & Washers
  • Watch Dogs 2: Generic Press A to Hack Piece Of Shit
  • Saints Row Dildo Edition
  • Crash Bandicoot: Life's A Hoot
  • MegaMan Dr Wily's Willy
  • George Broussard's Name Checker
  • George Broussard's and Gabe Newell's How To Release A Video Game
  • An Actual Good Game That's Fun To Play And Was Worth Your Time And Money That Was Released After 2009


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